Dawn of man

in the beginning there was a man, or a monkey man or something... whatever he was he had a stick (actually it was a femur bone of a much larger, now extinct three toed sloth which grew to almost ten feet tall). This monkey man would spend most of his time beating things with his bone-stick. Sometimes he would beat other monkey-men, sometimes he would beat old withered skulls bleached white by the sun… oddly, whenever he did this act, music would manifest itself out of thin air, starting with drums and horns (which weren’t even invented yet) until it was a full blown wave of sound. The monkey man loved the music and this is what propelled him and his beating of things. In his head he thought, “one day when I learn language I will call that song, Thus Spoke Zarhusta…”
Monkey man really had a grand life back then. He would come across other monkey men, start swinging his bone-stick around all surly and this accompanied by the sound of fury would force all the others to scamper which came in handy when there was a fresh kill. He would sit on the out skirts waiting for all the hunting and gathering to be done and right before the others would dig in for supper monkey man would come screaming down from the hill side, music and all waving his bone stick.
Now you might think this was wrong, that perhaps the others would band together and fend the monkey man off or even better yet, lay a cunning trap… but in actually the others never really evolved much past scratching their nuts, grunting and rubbing their asses against obtuse rocks in search of relief. In fact monkey man quickly set himself apart from the others, and this became a major attraction to the females of the group. Soon monkey man found that he was only scaring off the males and that the women were eagerly staying behind allowing monkey man to pick and choose… to make things more entertaining the women started to actually begin fighting for his virility… on one sunny day during a huge battle royal all the women were gathered in a pit, all of them were in heat and driven made from hormones and biologically, things that no one had words for… they were clashing about pulling hair, fur and swinging away at each other. Everything looked pretty normal and even in the animal kingdom until one of the females, the best, strongest and fairest of them all picked up what must have been a sharp jagged branch and began stabbing at the others… and out of nowhere, much like monkey man, music appeared for her too… this music would someday be called “ABBA”
After a few daring quick kills all the women scattered away and all that stood were monkey man James and the beautiful Kim. They quickly got down to business and were soon on their way to stating a new type of monkey man, a less hairy more intelligent design… SPILLANE